Stray Observations #4: The Artificial Apology
AI and Accountability
“I apologize for the delay. Your order will be delivered in 6 minutes,” said the AI-powered chatbot.
It had been saying this exact phrase for the last 20 minutes. At this point, the pizza isn’t just cold; it’s practically fossilized.
Have you ever been trapped in a conversation where you knew, fundamentally, you had absolutely no chance of winning? And no, I am not talking about arguing with your partner over where to eat. I am talking about arguing with a piece of code.
Everything from food delivery apps to multi-specialty hospitals has now deployed AI-powered chatbots to “help” people. The result?
A completely helpless user screaming into a digital void, while a company pats itself on the back for optimizing its “Customer Success Metrics.”
A Mask on a Python Script
The funniest part? Companies know we hate this robotic nature. They know we despise talking to a brick wall of code. So, how do they fix the user experience? They make it easier to reach a human (As if!)
No. They christen the robotic spawn with a fun little name like “Chad” or “Julie.”
They slap a stock photo of a smiling millennial with a headset next to the chatbox, hoping we won’t notice we’re negotiating with a motherboard.
Listen to me, corporate: giving your Python script a human name doesn’t make it my friend. If “Chad” cannot process my refund or connect me to an actual human, it’s just a glorified FAQ page wearing a fake mustache.
And don’t even get me started on the typing indicator. Those three little dots, bouncing up and down, make it look as if the bot is furiously pecking at a keyboard to craft a thoughtful response.
We all know we are speaking to an AI agent that processed our query in 0.04 milliseconds. At this point, Chad isn’t thinking. It’s just artificially delaying the useless response, so I feel like my complaint about missing garlic bread is being emotionally validated.
The Wall of Empathy
Let’s be brutally honest about why companies are rushing to implement AI on their front lines. The intention always starts as an innocent ‘we’ll solve customer problems faster.’ However, it usually morphs into an impenetrable wall between your complaints and their payroll.
When a human customer support rep messes up, there is a transaction of actual empathy. They feel bad and apologize. They might even escalate the issue.
When a chatbot messes up, it generally just loops the same hollow, synthetic empathy script: “I understand this is frustrating for you.”
No, you don’t. You don’t understand frustration any more than a toaster understands breakfast.
A Corporate Cheatsheet
What this AI-chatbot process does is just outsource your accountability to a machine.
If a human employee lies to a customer, there are consequences. But if a chatbot hallucinates a fake company policy, loops endlessly, or straight-up denies a legitimate refund, the company could just shrug and play the victim.
The most someone is getting is “Oh, the AI is still learning! It was a glitch.”
It is the perfect corporate crime. Companies not only get all the cost savings of firing their human support staff, but also successfully deflect all the blame for the resulting terrible customer experience onto the “algorithm.”
The War of Attrition
We could just say that we have reached a point where customer service is no longer about solving a problem. The best resolution is exhausting the customer until they just give up, close the app, and accept the situation.
It is a digital war of attrition, and we are slowly being conditioned to surrender.
If I have to call out for what it is, it is simply this: If your company’s frontline response is an AI that lacks the backend authority, you don’t have an AI strategy.
You just have a very polite roadblock.
Frankly, at 3:00 AM in the middle of a late-night shift, I’d rather wait twenty minutes on hold listening to terrible, static-filled elevator music to speak to a real, equally exhausted human being than spend five minutes being gaslit by an algorithm.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go raid my refrigerator for some raisins and nuts. Chad just cancelled the order since I am being very chatty.